100% Cotton Hoodie

Stir the suds of Walford's wagging tongues with our "This Hoodie Is 100% Cotton" hoodie – a sly soap opera spoof on those endless EastEnders eavesdrops where a fag and a fib could fuel a fortnight's flap, sketched in raw retro rasp as if pinched from a Queen Vic quiz night flyer that's exhaled more secrets than sermons. Imprinted on a sumptuous cotton-poly fleece softer than Dot's disapproving tut, this drawstring darling depicts the iconic chain-smoker herself in her signature curls and coat, mid-puff with a crimson backdrop, ringed by "THIS HOODIE IS" in frayed white font and underlined by a battered banner blasting "100% COTTON", like the Mitchells muddling a material manifesto for the launderette.

Relaxed rig with a hefty kangaroo pocket for stashing ciggies, scandals, or square gossip, shored up by stout ribbed hems and cuffs to weather the Square's squalls or sidestep the scandals, pre-shrunk to preserve its punny piety through perpetual spins, and tough as Phil's temper against ash, antics, or those "got a spare?" slips. Slip it over in your favoured hue and flaunt your fondness for Albert Square antics – for no garb grabs UK grit like a hoodie huffing the hilarity of homespun haberdashery, one cotton-clad quip at a time.