Breakfast at Spoons T-Shirt

When Audrey Hepburn was sipping champagne in pearls at Tiffany’s, you were necking a full English in a Wetherspoons at 7:42am, still wearing yesterday’s eyeliner and someone else’s dignity.

This isn’t high society. This is high cholesterol. This is hash browns as a love language. This is negotiating with the bar staff for “just one more black coffee” like it’s a peace treaty.

Soft, premium cotton blend. Surprisingly flattering beer belly coverage. Wear it ironically. Wear it proudly. Wear it while aggressively mopping up beans with your last slice of toast.

Because some of us weren’t born for mimosas and tiny forks. Some of us were born for extra fried bread and existential regret.