Fakey Cake Maker Hoodie

Introducing the Fakey Cake Maker Hoodie – the cosiest way to broadcast your commitment to culinary chaos (now with added hood for maximum Bon’chomme brooding).

Pull it on and let Bob Mortimer’s legendary Lucas Bon’chomme stare defiantly back at the world, surrounded by the immortal words that ended his MasterChef dreams: “You’re just a fakey cake maker and I ain’t got time for yooouuuu!” Complete with shoe-cake, cakey-phone, severed ear garnish, and a side salad made of pure surreal nightmare (big thanks to Loyd Grossman’s floating head and those ominous DONGs).

This is the ultimate hoodie for anyone who’s ever presented a dessert that was structurally unsound, suspiciously inedible, or just an actual shoe. Super-soft fleece lining for extra warmth, kangaroo pocket perfect for hiding emergency sprinkles, and adjustable drawstring hood to shield you from judgmental floating judges.

100% premium cotton blend comfort, 0% baking talent required.

Available in 14 brilliant colours (pick the one that best matches your inevitable icing disasters – from classic black for subtle fakery to vibrant pink for full-on shoe-cake flamboyance).

Perfect for chilly evenings spent perfecting your “human arse with side salad” platter, disappointing dinner guests Vic & Bob style, or just lounging while muttering “DONG! DONG!” at the telly.

Zip it up (or pull it over), channel your inner Bon’chomme, and remember: real cakes are for amateurs. Fakey cakes are forever.