If You Don’t Have A Chimney Christmas Jumper

Get ready to make Santa’s naughty list look tame with our downright filthy "If You Don’t Have A Chimney I’m Coming In Your Backdoor" Unisex Christmas Jumper! Crafted from that gloriously soft cotton-rich blend that feels like forbidden festive friction, this sweater keeps you snug while you’re explaining to your mum that it’s “just about alternative entry points, honestly”. Relaxed unisex fit, tough enough to handle every horrified double-take, every high-five from the lads, and every spilled drink when someone finally reads it out loud.

Because let’s be real – not every house has a chimney, and Santa’s nothing if not resourceful. This is the Christmas jumper that walks into the room and instantly drops the average age rating to 18+. Wear it once and watch aunties clutch pearls, dads choke on their sherry, and your mates crown you the undisputed champion of seasonal savage. Perfect for anyone who’s been leaving the back door unlocked all year anyway – ho ho ho has never sounded so wrong.