Fakey Cake Maker Sweatshirt

Introducing the Fakey Cake Maker Jumper – the cosiest way to broadcast your commitment to culinary chaos.

Wear it loud and proud: Bob Mortimer’s legendary Lucas Bon’chomme stares back at the world, surrounded by the immortal words that ended his Masterchef dreams – “You’re just a fakey cake maker and I ain’t got time for yooouuuu!” Complete with shoe-cake, cakey-phone, severed ear garnish, and a side salad made of pure surreal nightmare (cheers, Loyd Grossman’s floating head and those ominous DONGs).

This is the garment for anyone who’s ever presented a dessert that was structurally unsound, suspiciously inedible, or just an actual shoe. 100% cotton softness, 0% baking talent required.

Available in 14 brilliant colours (pick the one that best matches your inevitable icing disasters). Perfect for chilly evenings spent perfecting your “human arse with side salad” platter or simply disappointing dinner guests Vic & Bob style.

Pull it on, channel your inner Bon’chomme, and remember: real cakes are for amateurs. Fakey cakes are forever.