Oh Dear How Sad Sweatshirt

Move along, nothing to see here! This cosy jumper features the gloriously unsympathetic glare of Battery Sergeant Major "Shut Up" Williams, encircled by his legendary catchphrase: OH DEAR, HOW SAD, NEVER MIND! – the ultimate British response to spilled tea, dropped rifles, or yet another concert party shambles in the sweltering heat.

Perfect for:

• Dismissing life's little disasters with military-grade sarcasm
• Silently judging colleagues who dare complain about the weather
• Family gatherings where someone’s moaning – just point to your chest and walk away
• Anyone who believes real empathy went missing somewhere near Deolali

Super-soft fleece-lined warmth (no prickly khaki here), classic unisex fit for officers, bearers, and punkah wallahs alike, and available in 14 splendid colours (burgundy for that proper regimental vibe, or olive green to blend into the jungle of indifference).

Pull it on, stand tall, and deliver the line with perfect volume (in your head, obviously). Because when things go wrong, the correct response is always a brisk "never mind" and a stiff upper lip.

Oh dear, how sad, never mind – just buy the jumper, you 'orrible little man!